Thursday, October 30, 2008
2nd entry of the day.
was blog hopping just now. came over her blog accidentally. o.0 from reading her blog entries, i can largely infer that it's probably mutual between the 2 of them.
HATE myself for not knowing this earlier. i should have gotten a clear view of things before jumping in. ARGH. i'm PISSED and DISGUSTED with myself. i'm going to get OVER it.
Yeat Qi Zhen Silvia, you've made enough a fool of yourself! so stop this stupid bloody thing NOW and MOVE ON!!!!!!
; 1:30 AM
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
the holidays are finally here to stay! =)
got back my results today. already knew my grades but the percentiles for my subjects were interesting. chemistry was 74 and general paper was 91. =) mathematics and chinese literature were the best! mathematics was 2 and chinese literature was 4. haha. i'm good right? lol.
today was excursion day. went to the chinese embassy first. had a lecture about china. oh my god. it was like another china studies in chinese lesson. even the speaker sounded like cao lao shi. so as usual, i fell asleep just 10 minutes into the talk. even slept on kelmen's shoulder. >< hope april won't be mad at me. =P
went to the teahouse aka cha2 yuan1 next. it was the same teahouse we went to in secondary 2. learnt how to prepare tea the traditional way and had a short introduction to the traditional chinese wedding. lol. sat together with yingteng, weihui, sinyee, wenshin, yuning, april and kelmen. was quite sad that the snack given wasn't dumpling like the last time. but we realised that our snacks were much better. had 2 pieces of xi2 bing3, 1 cha2 ye1 dan4, 1 tea-flavoured jelly with a large lychee and 2 frozen cream puffs each. wow. both the snacks and the tea were delicious. yum. we had a lot of fun taking weird photos, laughing at stupid stuff, drinking tea and teasing wen shin. =P
really need to thank si han today. if not for him, i would not have been able to survive the first half of the trip. thank you ang si han!
it turned out as expected. fortunately, i was able to pull through. don't you think i deserve a pat on the back? haha. but i think i owe it all to my wonderful friends. thanks guys! =)
there's project work meeting tomorrow. must work harder! ganbatte!
-siLvia
; 11:19 PM
yay! insights and reflections is history too! finally only left with oral presentation. =D
asked yu ning how his 'business trip' to japan went. so jealous of him... now i'm REALLY going to make japan my honeymoon destination! haha. (that is if i really get married. =P)
tomorrow is the last day of school. and it's chinese literature excursion day too! =)
-siLvia
; 1:30 AM
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
i'm bored and tired. but i don't feel like sleeping now. supposed to have finished editting the oral presentation slides and re-writing my script. but i have no mood to do so too. only done with editting our skit.
school starts again tomorrow and ends on wednesday. looking forward to the excursion.
but not really looking forward to seeing the two of them. maybe it still bothers me? somehow we've all realised that they are spending more time together now. but he still denies it or refuses to give me a proper reply when i ask him about it. maybe they are already together and they are keeping it a secret. it's not much of a secret though right? haha.
had the weirdest dream last night. dreamt that i told him my feelings, but he didn't give me a reply. then i questioned him is it because i'm not her? is it because it can only be her? what a weird dream... i guess i've been watching too much drama and anime recently. should cut down on them soon. haha.
do i really feel something for him? or is it all just an illusion? i know he's not the one and neither will i continue this for very long. but i just can't seem to get it out of my head. haven't talked to him much for these few days. no longer msning or smsing him now. told myself to put everything to a stop. i definitely made a promise with myself to give up if we do not happen to wear the same shirt on that friday. 'coincidentally', we've never wore the same shirt again. guess everything's over already. sigh. shall allow myself to move on...
hmmm... maybe i should go to sleep now.
-siLvia
; 1:17 AM
Saturday, October 25, 2008
WRITTEN REPORT IS FINALLY HISTORY!!!! WOAH!!!! XD
now we only have oral presentation to ponder over. sigh. never mind, king kong yu ning say he'll take full charge of oral presentation. =) project work days are finally over soon. won't have to take charge of everything already. =)
met up with lijun just now. went to orchard road to walk walk. didn't do anything much though. yoyo came with her to orchard road, as she was having a fever and he wanted to escort her there. yoyo's so good to her. i'm jealous. =P
school will soon be over. having a diagnostic test for mathematics before school starts next year. have to go for mathematics consultation too. >< never mind. at least now i'll be more motivated to study mathematics.
-siLvia
; 11:19 PM
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
currently waiting for the printing of my written report draft 3 to end. it's 46 pages long and the total word count is 3575. haha. we'll surely be slaughtered by mr kwan for that. bibliography's not done yet as i'm simply too tired to complete it. will complete it during the next draft. ><
received the email from ms ang just now. as expected, i didn't make it for outward bound india. it was really expected right? since i didn't even make it past the prerequisites set for the promotional examinations. only have myself to blame now.
i really don't feel attached to this school at all. the school claims that opportunities are given to students in many different aspects. but how come i've tried for so many and i've gotten none? if these activities and programmes are to really uncover our hidden potentials, why are the entries all based on results? are results really that important? so what if i didn't get the results the school asked for? does it mean that i didn't try my best for it? does it mean that just because i failed 1 more H2, it makes me less capable than the others? it's not like i'll be tested on all my 4 H2s when i'm in india. will the people and animals there give me an integration test to complete before i'm allowed to move on? will they test me on my chinese literature before giving me food to eat? How can the school judge a student by his or her results entirely? so what if the school has gotten an excellence award? the school only takes care of EXCELLENT students. if you're not part of it, you can forget about standing out and doing a part entirely. is that really education? it really makes me wonder....
on a different note, mdm peng will be helping me to appeal to drop chinese literature and still stay in temasek. this way, i'll be able to carry on with my chemistry and biology. wonder how high the chances are.
the whole results thing is really getting to me. there are moments when i just feel like giving up everything and to drop school entirely. maybe my life would be better pursuing other things that do not require a university certificate. i guess i can always choose to go sell sugarcane juice instead. haha.
looking forward to the chinese literature trip to the teahouse on the last day of school. he's going too~~ =)))
-siLvia
; 1:41 AM
Sunday, October 12, 2008
went to have a haircut with lijun in the morning. my hair is much thinner now, but it still looks the same. =S
yesterday was fun. had a 33/08 class/clique karoke gathering in the afternoon. only 5 people from the class turned up! such a UNITED class right? so only 6 people in total: me, yingteng, weihui, yajing, yajing's "friend" and cheeleong. it was fun though. my sore throat was bad, so sorry everyone who had to listen to my horrible voice. =P we sang quite a lot of songs. didn't pay a single cent though. as yajing's "friend" paid everything for us. hehez.
met up with lynn, lijun and yoyo for dinner after that. finally gave lijun her birthday gift. haha. we sat at ajisen for 3 whole hours. bet the people there hated us. we told yoyo all the funny things that happened in zhonghua and about the lamp post and the coconut head. it was a good and enjoyable talk. =D so yoyo's passed the 'test'. now it's jasper's turn. haha. =X
signed the withdrawal form yesterday. going to drop biology entirely. wasn't even allowed to fill in the appeal form to appeal to keep all my 4 H2s. so now i'm in the same subject combination as yingteng. chemistry, mathematics, chinese literature, general paper and china stuides in chinese. didn't want to give up my biology, but i was left with no choice. i should have known that this would happen. if only i had worked harder. but i guess it's all too late now right? not taking biology anymore would simply mean that i'm no longer eligible to apply for medicine. won't even be given an opportunity to apply for it or to attend the interview.
after thinking over the matter for so many days, i realised it wasn't really losing the ability to become a doctor that's affecting me so much, but rather because i've just lost my direction. so where am i supposed to go on from here? i don't know what course i should study in the university and even what career i should choose in the future. it feels very empty to be wihout a dream or even a purpose in life....
looking through university courses. quite interested in NTU's college of science. maybe i can't become a real doctor but i can still become a chinese physician right? lol.
-siLvia
; 2:10 PM
Monday, October 6, 2008
got back all of my H2 results today. mathematics was expectedly horrible. but glad that i'll be able to promote, with much thanks to my chemistry and biology. shall list down the exact marks some other day.
so i cried over my chinese literature in school today. big deal?
-siLvia
; 11:54 PM
Sunday, October 5, 2008
should be finishing my script for oral presentation now. but don't know why i can't seem to open my mail. sigh. shall finish it in school tomorrow morning.
haven't updated for ages. but i really wanted to do so on a happier note first. don't feel like going to school tomorrow or on tuesday. results will be out soon. have been wanting to pass all my H2 subjects, but i guess it's not really possible now. the only way i'll be able to pass my mathematics is if my paper is abducted by aliens or if the staff room catches fire. sigh. just praying to pass 2 H2 subjects and to promote successfully now. have given up on going to india too.
planning to drop biology soon, since i won't be able to pass all 4 H2 subjects. no more dreams of becoming a doctor. didn't think i was suited to become one anyway. i lacked both the brains and the hard work. never mind, i still have many job opportunities other than medicine. i guess it's just a lesson learnt for me. shall work hard for mathematics next year!
went to victoria and meridian's openhouse on saturday and friday respectively. meet up with tons of people and my darling li jun. XD
it felt nostalgic to be back in meridian. really missed the place and the people there. was estatic to see them, but they didn't appear to be as excited as i was. maybe i wasn't as missed as i thought. nevertheless, siew min was real happy to see me. =)
so does it mean it's really time for me to move on? there's already no place for me in meridian. temasek is where i belong now. but i can't really connect to the place. feel quite detached from leo club also. sigh.
i guess this post is not as cheerful either. haha. good luck for me tomorrow! shall cross my fingers.
-siLvia
; 10:14 PM
