Sunday, June 14, 2009
it's already almost the third week of the holidays. i hate to admit that i've not done much. only a few chapters for mathematics and chemistry. none has been done for biology, general paper and chinese studies in chinese. sigh. it's not exactly because i've been very lazy. it just that it takes SO loooonggg to finish each chapter. i wonder if i'll be able to make it in time.
i don't know what's wrong with me these few weeks. i feel strangely alone. i think all the staying-at-home days are starting to get to me. i tried asking a few people out. but they are all busy with their own things. i know that i'm not being fair by being upset with them for not making the time to go out with me. and it's not like they have an obligation to spend time with me. i keep having really negative feelings about myself, and i'm even starting to doubt how i view our relationships. is it true that sometimes i really think too highly of myself? i'm not THAT important to them. to them, i'm just another good friend that they have encountered in their lives, amongst the hundreds other good friends that they have. maybe if i don't regard these relationships so highly, it'll make things much more easier for them and for me. i was able to hang out by myself in primary 6. being alone had never been a problem for me. but why does it seem so hard now? have i been too accustomed to having people around me? have i been too spoilt and pampered by my friends? i'm not supposed to be like this. things use to much more easier when i chose to be by myself. i did not have to worry about where the other person is. i did not have to spend a lot of time waiting for the other person. i could go as i like and come as i want. i would be able to rely solely on myself and on no one else. neither did i have to spend time trying to humour the other person nor worry about how the person feels. i would be able to spend time studying at home myself and would not be feeling so lonely like how i'm feeling now. i'm SICK of all these....
i've been 'busy' with the korean and manga versions of hana yori dango. why?! kind of 'late' and 'backward' right? i only start watching the drama after teng, qing and shin are past the 'being-crazy-over-boys-before-flowers' period. -_- anyway, i have to agree that yi-jung is really very handsome. haha...
watching movie with lijun and having dinner with lynn on monday. =)) i'm definitely looking forward to that. =D
-siLvia
; 12:15 AM
